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Seller's
Terms...what they say & what they mean...
Some of these have been collected
off the 'net or sent in by veiwers, and others I've thought of. Hope
you get alot of laughs!
- Big Trot: can't canter
within a 2 mile straightaway
- Nicely Started: we can
lounge him, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
- Top Show Horse: won
a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low
entries due to a hurricane
- Home Bred: knows nothing
except being raised on the front porch
- Recently Vetted: someone
else found something badly wrong with the horse
- Big Boned: good thing
horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
- Doing Courses: when
tranqualized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight before hand
- Well Mannered: hasn't
stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
- Professionally Trained:
hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
- Should Mature 16 hands:
currently 13h, dam is 14.3hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree
back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely
defy his DNA
- To Good Home Only: not
really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth,
2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy - bye every night, 3)
are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
- Bold: runaway
- Athletic: He's a runaway,
but he looks good doing it
- Needs intermediate Rider:
runaway
- Needs Experienced Rider:
"dead" runaway
- Dead Quiet: just dead
- Started O/F: Started
overfeeding because we can't ride
- No Vices: especially
when he wears his muzzle
- Light Cribber: we can't
afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw
- No Time For Him: he's
lucky to be fed
- Excellent Disposition:
never been out of his stall
- Clips, hauls, and Loads:
Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls
a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him
- Great Halter Prospect:
Bred for beauty, not for brains
- Selling due to divorce:
My spouse certaintly couldn't stand him...
- Bomb Proof: So dumb
you could set off a bomb under his tail and he wouldn't blink.
- Good Mother: She's
too dumb to do anything else.
- He Can Do It All: bite,
kick, buck, rear...
- Flasy: nice looking...
forget about him being rideable
- Stunning: you'll be
stunned at his kicking power
- Very Brave: even a whip
can't force him back
- Slight Case Of Navicular:
better buy him before he's too lame to walk
- Proven Sire: The mare
we bred him to had a baby
- Lots of Potential: Under
the right circumstances, you migh be able to ride him
- Great Bloodlines: He
can't do anything, but that's okay becuase some horse 20 generations
back did something
- Already Broke: two fences,
one arm, six buckets
- Got Cow Sense: he'll
attack any cattle within a 5-mile radius
- Unregistered: probably
stolen
- Protective Mother:
don't even think about going near the foal
- Lady's Horse: Perfectly
sweet with women, but will kill men
- Good Disposition: The
only good thing about him
- Selling Due to Retirement:
he's making us old
- Started Good: we quit
while we were ahead
- Started: we quit while
we were still alive
- Loud Color: we spray
painted him bright red
- Really Broke: literally
- Slight Nervouse Habit:
he shakes and has muscles ticks anytime anyone asks him to think
- Great Stud: breeding
is the only thing he's good at
- Anyone Can Ride: as
long as they have the right protective gear, they will survive
- Smooth: you won't notice
he's bucking until you're on the ground!
- Event Prospect: Big,
Fast Horse
- Dressage Prospect: Big,
Slow Horse
- Hack Prospect: Pretty
Color
- Sporting Prospect: Short,
Fast Horse
- Camp Prospect: Fast
Horse which can turn
- Endurance Prospect:
Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
- Flashy: White Socks
- Attractive: Bay
- 15.2hh: 14.3hh
- 16.2hh: 15.3hh
- To Loving Home Only:
Expensive
- To Show Home Only: Very
Expensive
- Needs Experienced Rider:
Potentially Lethal
- Elegant: Thin
- In Good Condition: Foundered
- Free Moving: Bolts
- Quiet: Lame in Both
Front Legs
- Dead Quiet: Lame in
All Four Legs
- Good in Traffic (Bombproof):
Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
- Loves Children: Kicks
and Bites
- Pony Type: Small and
Hairy
- Arab Type:Looks startled
- TB Type: Looks Terrified
- Quarter Horse Type:
Chunky
- Halter Horse Type: Fat
- Warmblood Type: Big
and Hairy
- Draught Type: Big and
Exceedingly Hairy
- Easy to Catch: Very
Old
- Must Sell: Wife has
left home and taking kids
- All Offers Considered:
I am in Traction for 6 months
- Good Jumper prospect:
Looks great jumping over the pasture fence, if you can ever catch'im,
you might just have yourself a great jumper!
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